On the Subject of Subjects
by Rondy Peredhil
Summary: Aerith and Cloud have to share a room together at the Gold Saucer. Hilarity ensues.


"On the Subject of Subjects"

A Final Fantasy VII Massacre by: Sarah Digna Yudlowitz

  
  


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Disclaimer: Cloud Strife and any other characters mentioned within these pages (or creations of demons, however you look at it) is credited to squaresoft. Please excuse my Cloud bashing to those of you who actually like the surly pitiful thing, but it's rather FUN (and easy) to make fun of virgin-boy. And even though this has humorous-like qualities, I just really can't bring myself to do fanfics that are entirely haha funny.

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Summary: Cloud and Aerith have to share an inn room at the Gold Saucer. Cloud stole the blanket all to himself, so Aerith sits up awake, evaluating her situation with humor. HeHe, it's so Aerith in a non-Aerith kind of way. Read on and please excuse the fact that I like to wander in thought stories like these.

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Author's note: A reminder that I don't take any sort of narcotics, not that that's really reassuring to you. ^^;; You'll just be scared anyway. Read on! Laugh or cry, it's your choice. The wind's howling at me (astute observations 101).

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It had occurred to me that Cloud was a gentlemen and he didn't want to take advantage of me, but thinking over that--or milling over it I should say-- I had no real belief in it. Cloud was genuinely...special...in that, "I say I'm a hero, but I usually end up hiding from the slightest movement behind me" kind of way. Being distant and surly, and an all around thorn in one's ass was something that he tried very very hard to be good at. He succeeded at it very well. It was the others that felt this for the most part. I felt somewhat differently.

  
  


There was something about the asshole that was so familiar...and it felt nice. I guess it's that he's so much like Zack or something. I stopped to think over that for a minute as Cloud turned over in the bed beside me, a few--no several--inches (most likely a foot) away perhaps and continued snoring as if he had consumed bad cabbage...or something to that effect. 

  
  


How could he just share a hotel room with me like that? I had surely felt that Cloud would have been embarrassed or something otherwise, but when the party was forced into coupling bedrooms, he was rather offstandish and cooperate to sharing a room and even a bed with me. I remember laughing because Vincent was paired with Yuffie, the materia loving girl and Nanaki, the red wolf-like lion breed that had saved me from Hojo's clutches. I was helpless to keep myself from picturing Vincent staying up all night in a corner muttering about how annoying and perky Yuffie was. However, Vincent didn't find it so funny. I wonder what he DOES find funny. I really don't want to find out, I decided and turned my thoughts back to Cloud.

  
  


Again, I find myself wondering why he's so anal retentive and why he speaks so much of Sephiroth. I know that Sephiroth is our target for fighting along our journey, but Cloud seemed adoring of the man who had torched his dreams--or uhm--No, I won't go there with "dreams". 

  
  


"I..won't give..the...black..materia," Cloud mumbled in his sleep which was followed by a low groan as he bundled the blanket (that I had given up in fighting for) up to his nose. He said more as he turned over to face me, but I couldn't understand it with the blanket over his mouth. "'cause I ate it," Cloud mumbled more clearly. I blinked. What the hell was he dreaming about? Actually, I discovered I'd rather not have knowledge of that region of Cloud's mind. 

  
  


It was clear to me that Cloud was over twenty, but he had qualities that were just too childlike to dismiss. For instance, If you poked at his impossibly spiked hair, he'd bitch and whine and bat your hand away. I always wondered about that. Also, if you asked him anything relevant to his past, he'd sit there with the most ridiculous "attempt to drive someone away" expressions on his face that she had ever seen. It was easy to laugh at him and his naive nature. It was even easier to laugh at him when he thought he had control of a situation that he and everyone else knew he couldn't possibly have control over.

  
  


I laughed to myself and sat rigid against the cold bedpost, humming to myself. I figured the reason for that was to block out the nonsense Cloud was sputtering in his sleep. It was too damn bad that he had to be his typical self and snatch the blanket all to himself, because now the night was getting colder and I was uncomfortable and freezing. I stretched out my legs and wiggled my toes just to make sure the damned things hadn't broken off. 

  
  


"Your sword looks like a banana, Sephie," Cloud muttered as he stretched, hitting me with a bare hand. All of his armor and artillery were removed for the night, naturally. I squeaked loudly, surprised by his ice cold digits smacking me square in the face as he withdrew into the blanket again and started rolling around to find a more comfortable sleeping position. Seeing how he didn't even seem to hear me, I figured that tonight he was out like a log, which was a nice occurrence because usually he'd wake up at the slightest noise and talk to himself the rest of the night. It was God's guess what the hell he was talking about, but it really seemed that he was asking questions. To the wall. Conversing with it. How I wish I could just sleep. He's scaring me.

  
  


I guessed that he was just having a hard time adjusting to...not being in a very small room with ten other sweaty men from SOLDIER. Ick, I excel at scaring myself. Maybe it's time I lie on this stupid cold mattress and shut the hell up before the God damned voice of the planet or something throws a banana peel at me. That didn't make any sense. BAD Ancient. BAD.

  
  


I grumbled and hovered over Cloud carefully, wiggling and cracking my fingers expertly. As he took in a long snore that made my stomach wrench, I grasped the blanket's edge and yanked so hard that I flew the end of the bed. Cloud was not so lucky. I had the blanket now and Cloud had been spun out of it and resided on the floor with a thud. I found the interrupted snore and the surprised squawk of emotion particularly hilarious. I loved the big dufus, I knew, and while he still didn't know anything else than the memories that Sephiroth confused him with, I knew he was his own individual. After all, Zack hadn't been as completely innocent and vulnerable as my Cloud is now. I mean, what other guy could have gotten into bed with a pretty girl like me and just said "goodnight" and fell asleep like nothing sexual crossed his mind? 

  
  


My emotions overwhelmed me then with Cloud's thud and I peaked my head over the edge of the bed, looking at Cloud, who looked around confused. 

  
  


"Two more hours talking aloud in my head, and I would've became as messed up as you!" I joked, and giggled as Cloud's cheeks turned an impossible shade of red. Whether it was from anger or embarrassment I didn't know, but my guess was embarrassment. "I really didn't feel like fighting for the blanket with you unconscious and all, you know," I chirped and gathered the blanket, piling it around myself. I then stuck my tongue at him with a great big BEEDA and went back to my place on the bed, completely wrapped in the covers. Hey, if he could fall asleep like he didn't know what sex was, so could I...I think...?


End file.
